O What a Day

Nothin' like a good ol' trip to the doctor to make you feel like a crappy parent.

The boys had appointments for the eye doctor today. Taylor has been complaining that he can't see for quite a while now. I blew it off thinking that he was making excuses for not doing his homework and to sit close to the TV. Then a few months ago he said, "Mom, I really can't see" and I believed him. Knowing that he is as much a baby about his eyes as I am and knowing they would probably dilate his eyes, I put off making the appointment. Last week I had the thought that I really needed to call the doctor and finally did. I made appointments for both Taylor and Larry thinking I might as well get Larry used to it.

Walking into the office today I seriously doubted that we needed to be there. I didn't go to an eye doctor until I was in my teens and it didn't hurt my eyes any. Realizing how young Larry is the receptionist suggested I wait to have him seen until right before he starts school. Cool, no problem. Now maybe we could get out earlier. Not so...

We spent 3 hours having Taylor's eyes checked. Plus the doctor was upset that I didn't keep Larry's appointment. Now I have to take him back in two weeks (any takers on babysitting?). Taylor really did great. He didn't throw one fit and when they put drops in his eyes he was only mildly objective. The tests seemed easy enough for him. Then they came to the reading chart. The one with 7 or 8 lines of letters you are supposed to read. He read the HUGE letter E on the top line fine. He read the slightly huge letter E on the second line. He could not read anything else. My son who reads, does math, rides bikes, motorcycles, and 4 wheelers, is practically blind. That's when that terrible sinking feeling hit me. Why didn't I know? Why didn't I take him to the doctor the first time he said something? Ugh!

And then came all the memories of the other times I've failed him medically, particularly his heart and his teeth. When he was a baby many older mothers told me that he just didn't look right to them. He was a bit pale or breathed to hard or something. I wasn't worried at all. He was perfect to me. The doctor wasn't worried so why should I be? Around six moths he had a noticeable drop in activity. And from there he just started going down hill rather quickly. I took him to the doctor- several times in fact. We had him tested for all kinds of things, most of them I don't remember what the diseases were called. It was not fun. Then of all things I took him to the doctor because he had a cold. After his exam Dr. Ma said, "well his lungs sound fine, but I think his heart sounds funny." That month was jam packed with cardiology appointments, meeting the surgeon, surgery and recovery. When it was all over he was good as new- literally. He could do things he never did before. I still haven't gotten over the idea that I should have know sooner or tried harder to get him better.

A year or so ago, we (meaning I) took the boys to the dentist for the first time. I didn't know what age they should start going, but I never had anything wrong with my teeth and of course thought he would be the same way. He had to have 3 silver caps put on and one tooth pulled because it had decayed so much. Guilty, guilty, guilty! I feel so awful. I should have done more. I should have taught him better. Hopefully I am doing better with Larry.

Anyway, now Taylor will wear glasses, probably for the rest of his life. He also has to wear a patch on one eye for two days and then switch it to the other for two days. The doctor made it sound like it would be months, maybe even years, before it can come off. With glasses his vision is 20/80. She wouldn't tell me what it was without the glasses. I don't know much, but she made it sound really bad.

I feel better now- this blog thing is wonderful! Sorry, I always vent.